Who Let The Trolls Out?
by Orange-Moon-Goddess
Summary: I did.
1. Chapter 1

Who Let The Trolls Out?

Chapter one: Now all our problems are solved.

This really will have no focus, I just felt like trolling the fuck out of this fandom.

._.

Naruto Uzumaki wasn't the brightest crayon in the crayon box.

Well, obviously. The brightest crayon was the neon yellow.

DUH!

Anyways, he wasn't a very smart child. So when others spoke to him, he often misinterpreted their messages. This was very inconvenient for him and for others. His teammates in particular were bothered by his idiocy.

For example…

"Naruto, I'm leaving," Sasuke informed the blond ninja. It was the end of their training for today, and they were all tired. Sakura was packing her equipment nearby and Kakashi was reading his porn. Sasuke was being an emo, as usual.

Naruto narrowed his eyes as he watched his teammates retreating back.

"NO, SASUKE, DON'T GO TO ORICHIMARU!" he shouted and threw himself at the Uchiha's feet.

"What?-" the young man frowned, but Naruto's screaming had caught the attention of their team already.

"Sasuke-kun, you're leaving us for Orichimaru?" Sakura gasped and put one hand over her mouth in shock. She fainted dramatically, accidently falling down onto one of her kunai and impaling herself on it.

Needless to say, she died.

Anyways, Kakashi closed his book to stop Sasuke from resisting capture.

"How could you?" he demanded. "You don't have to seek revenge like this."

"I'm not!" Sasuke insisted.

"He's lying!" Naruto cried out. "He just told me he was leaving!"

Sasuke face palmed and kicked Naruto in the face, sending him flying backwards. Naruto got back up and clung back onto him immediately.

"Naruto, when I said I was leaving," Sasuke growled, "I _meant_ that I was going home."

"Yeah, going to your new home with Orochimaru," Naruto sniffed through tears. "Don't make us waste hundreds of episodes looking for you. Please don't. I don't know how many filler episodes we'll be able to handle."

"But…" Sasuke wasn't allowed to finish his thought, because the ANBU showed up to arrest him.

Naruto let go of his friend and Kakashi pat him on the shoulder to comfort him.

"This is for the best, Sasuke," Kakashi called out to the detained Uchiha. "We really don't want to waste our time on you, so instead of letting you run away, we're going to kill you now so we can get over you earlier."

Kakashi turned to Naruto.

"Come on, we'll go to Ichiraku Ramen to cheer you up," he said over Naruto's pathetic sobbing.

Naruto instantly cheered up.

"Okay!"

._.

And there will be many, many more of these.

Review?


	2. Chapter 2

Who Let The Trolls Out?

Chapter Two: Just Kill Them, It's Cheaper and More Convenient.

Thanks for the reviews! ^^

._.

"Sasuke-kun!~"

_Oh god, not these freaks again,_ Sasuke thought as pink-haired girl and blonde-haired girl approached. He groaned and quickly merged with a crowd, and immediately the two lost sight of him. It was troublesome to-

"That's my word," a voice drawled from the side.

Sasuke turned his head to see Shikamaru frowning at him.

"How did you?..." he started to ask, but was cut off.

"Too troublesome to explain myself," the ninja yawned. Then he sat down on the corner and fell asleep.

Acting as if that didn't just happen, Sasuke moved on before the crowd created an opening. He could hear his fangirls screaming for him, which only made him walk faster. He had to do something about those stalkers, and fast.

As Sasuke turned a corner, he nearly bumped into the pink-haired girl. He swore and picked up his pace. He almost broke out into a full-out sprint when he made eye contact.

Then a plan suddenly hatched in his mind, and Sasuke allowed himself a small smirk.

_If this doesn't work, I don't know what will._

._.

"Hey, Sakura, I got a letter from Sasuke-kun this morning," Ino called out to the pink-haired kunoichi in the early hours of the next day. Sakura looked up from the stall she had been about to purchase fruit from to see the blonde woman stop beside her.

Sakura straightened up and took the paper Ino held out for her to take.

"That's odd," she commented. "He usually doesn't bother with us."

Ino shivered.

"Read the letter," she grimaced. "Trust me, it's not a love confession or anything. Did you get one too?"

"I'll check later when I get home," Sakura told her friend. She unfolded the paper and began to read the message.

Then she froze up when she saw what it said.

'_I don't know who you are_,' it began. '_I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money__. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let me go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you. *_

'_So stop following me_'

-Sasuke Uchiha

Sakura slowly closed the letter and handed it back to Ino.

"Maybe we should find someone else to stalk," she suggested nervously.

Ino nodded in agreement. "I heard there was a cute guy around here…" she sighed. "Do you want to go find him?"

"I'm almost afraid he'll turn out the same as Sasuke-kun." Sakura's face twitched at the thought of another death threat.

"On second thoughts, let's just go to the movies or something," Ino forced a weak smile.

"Yeah, leaving him alone really is for the best…"

"… yeah…"

And they never bothered Sasuke ever again.

._.

* That's a quote from the movie "Taken." I haven't watched it yet, but I heard they were going to make a sequel where they take his wife. Who's next, his dog? His iPhone? His wallet? Lol, poor guy.


End file.
